Reaching forgiveness after adultery
Once Adultery is Discovered, There’s no Going Back
This kind of betrayal is difficult to forgive emotionally. Surprisingly, however, the majority of marriages do survive infidelity, at least for awhile. In some cases the trust that formed the backbone of the marriage is forever eroded and thereafter it’s only a matter of time before the whole marriage goes pear shaped. Even then the adultery isn’t the cause of the divorce, it’s only a symptom of something that was missing in the first place. If you’ve been the victim of an adulterous spouse, these are the steps you need to take in order to move beyond the affair and forgive them for cheating.
Ask a lot of questions concerning the affair
Firstly, what you want to do is get all the facts concerning the affair. The tendency here is to become obsessive and to not be able to get the thought of your unfaithful partner out of your head. If you can get every detail it sort of ties up that loose end so ask questions until there’s nothing left to know. What you want to pay specific attention to is your partner’s emotional state and why they cheated. If you’re really interested in saving your marriage then you’re going to need to empathize with your partner, which may sound difficult, considering how hurt you are. It’s necessary though to always see things from the perspective of those who hurt you in order understand why it happened in the first place. The more information you have the better.
At this stage, tempering your emotions is key. No matter how badly you want to scream or throw things, your partner is not going to disclose information to someone who is in rage-mode. Not, at least, if they have a shred of self-preservation left within them. So be sure you’re calm before you pump them for information.
Address your feelings concerning the affair
You’re going to want specifically to talk about how the affair made you feel. Instead of telling them about themselves and how crappy of a human being they are, focus on how their actions made you feel. The single best indicator of whether a marriage can survive an affair or not is the cheating partner’s capacity to empathize with the spouse they cheated on.
How to Forgive Someone for Betraying the Trust
You can forgive someone without letting them off the hook. It helps if you can figure out what extenuating circumstance led to the affair. When there is a situation reason like tension within the marriage, squabbles over money, kids, work, or whatever else, sometimes that tension leads partners to seek intimacy outside their marriage. This isn’t an excuse, but it does explain why the affair happened. Your feelings matter. If your partner matters, your feelings will matter to them too. So forgive them, yes. But don’t let them off the hook.
Forgiveness after Adultery is Possible
Painful memories do fade, and under the right circumstances, trust can be rebuilt. In fact, the communication tools you learn when you’re dealing with a marital crisis like this can actually make your marriage stronger. Sometimes this involves getting a marriage counselor to work you through this difficult period. Marriage counselors can be beneficial because they teach you how to communicate with one another in more effective ways. But if the will to repair the marriage is there, it can be done. But both parties have to commit to that choice.